"Cold Water in the Face, Brings Us Back to this Awful Place"

My brief foray into freedom and positivity came to a crashing end on Monday morning with the first day at our new campus. At this point, the only two reasonable conclusions could be that KPS management are either a) astonishingly ignorant of our wants and desires, or b) intentionally trying to drive away their teachers. At this point, it's a bit of a toss-up.

Yes, this move would irritate anyone, but it is the way it was handled that has really put me in a foul mood. In human interactions, certain happenstances require greater sensitivity than others, and in this case, we've received almost none. Prior to arriving here on Monday morning, here were our list of grievances:

• Longer commute
• No ability to visit the bank during work hours
• No local eateries for lunch

Upon arriving at our new school, we were confronted with the following realizations:

• No computer lab (effectively leaving us with no curriculum or activities for computer class each week)
• No staff room (no where to get away from the kids, and no where to grade homework)
• No gym teacher (so our one prep class per week is effectively taken away, this all the more ironic given the reported $50,000 cost of all the new gym equipment)
• The windows are covered, despite promises to the contrary
• And of course, far fewer students, giving us all lingering insecurities about the future of our jobs

The absolute icing on the cake came when we received the 2011 calendar. Our parent company dictates when our summer vacation will fall; in the past they had given Monday through Friday off, sandwiched between two weekends. This year? July 28 through August 3, or Thursday through Wednesday for those keeping score at home. I'm not quite sure why they would choose to do this, but at first blush it appears to be either ignorant or dickish, which brings us back to the original point.

A mood of despair and deep frustration has swept through the school. Those who are lucky enough to be in the final throes of their contracts are getting out while they can (including several who were planning on renewing their contracts until all of this unfolded), while the rest of us look at a long 8 months before we can move on to greener pastures. No one is thinking of resigning, which is why I can't help but think about the aforementioned "b."

From a cynical viewpoint, giving into any of our requests would only ensure that they would have to continue to give these "luxuries" to any and all teachers that came after us. Essentially, it is better for them to deal with our complaints and frustration in the short term, because in 8 months there will be no teachers left to recall "the good old days."One teacher who has been with the school for nearly two years said openly in a meeting with the director, "You know, just having a fresh pot of coffee each morning would be a huge gesture to show that you care." On Monday morning there was a fresh pot of coffee, our mouths, appropriately, agape. Suddenly, a secretary came around the corner before the first drop could be poured, "Oh no, that is for James!" James, the director.

This is just one instance, but it seems like every last insignificant request to regain a modicum of happiness and morale falls on deaf ears.

So where does this leave me?

1. R&D-Barring a change of heart from our director, my attempts to get into the R&D department at semester's end are all but kaput. While the option to move there after my contract expires remains open, I question the wisdom of signing on for a second year with a company that has treated my contract like a made up word.
2. Public School in Two Months-Theoretically, I could land a job at a public school but I would need a letter of release from our director, who, as we have recently seen, has not been particularly generous as of late. Furthermore, these jobs are given out on a first-come, first-serve basis, so it would be difficult to land in a desired location, with a desired age group.
3. Grit my Teeth, and Public School in Eight Months-Probably my best option. By staying on, I will get to take full advantage of everything KPS has to offer me, which as of now, is a big, fat paycheck. I figure I could save close to $15,000 between now and then (when figuring in my end of contract bonus, reimbursement for flight home, and pension). Lord knows I've spent more time, in shittier jobs, for less money. I would be able to apply early to EPIK (Korea's far-less-selective version of JET) and therefore probably end up in a better locale.

Wow, when I list it out like that, it hardly seems like a choice at all. This will suck in the short-term, no doubt, but it's the best choice I can make. I've made it through one-third of my contract, and I know I can complete it. From my previous experience, I never came to Korea with the illusion that life here would be easy, but like Japan, I found a significant challenge in an unexpected place.

I wrote a rather long blog entry the other day, but never published it for personal reasons. The overarching theme was how I currently find myself in an eerily similar situation to the semester where I dropped out of college. I see where I want to go, but I have a lot of hard work ahead, and on top of it all, I'm in a lonely place. It's hard to admit, but I am.

The good news is that I have knowledge and experience on my side. I know the signs of depression, and I know helpful ways to avoid spiraling out of control. Changing jobs will not make me any less lonely, and in a depressed state, any significant improvements to my work situation would not immediately improve my overall attitude. Perhaps "working through it" in my current job is the best thing I can do. Moreover, the best news is that I'm not in a position where I can fail, not when I've already come so far.